I always thought the mindset of "you don't own people anything" is rather egoistic and selfish. While I understand it from a boundary perspective, and that is important, you do owe people to be a kind and thoughtful person.
Small acts of care exist in so many other relationships (between parents and children, people and pets, partners) - it’s important not to neglect that aspect in friendships too! Thanks for reading ❤️
I agree! The people don’t owe you anything crowd are a bit misanthropic and pessimistic imo. Of course we should hold each other to standards of kindness! Especially between friends; how else could we survive this world?
this was weirdly beautiful, personally i agree with the you don’t owe anyone anything mindset. but that doesn’t mean you should care about people and be there for them. this portrayed that idea extremely well even if you went for a different idea. i’m glad i read this.
I’m so happy you were able to resonate with it in some way! As someone with a tendency to people please, I completely understand why people feel strongly about the idea that you don’t owe people anything. What’s helped for me is focusing on the quality over quantity mindset.
omg i feel this SO much. I need compassion and thoughtfulness and comfort, and I want people to know they can get it from me. one of my favourite things is giving friends little bits that i've found or bought (book, beach pebble, postcard) that remind me of them. knowing someone is thinking of you is so powerful especially when you get to a point in life when people start to drift
omg I totally get that!! I asked a friend of mine if he wanted me to bring him something from South Africa a few months ago and he jokingly said seashells. But guess what I did every time I went to the beach? I spent half my time trying to find him the prettiest sea shells, because it’s important to know that your people listen
One act of love I do for all of my friends is cooking for them, I love having them over and feeding them with delicious food. They love it so much that they say they miss my food when it’s been long since they have visited.
100%! I think dinner dates can be such an important love language to show people that you want to take care of them and share with them through food and conversation! Thanks for reading ❤️
I couldn't agree more! Birthday parties used to be about celebrating other people and making them feel special. But today they are often about inviting the most amount of people for free gifts. I hate how everything is tit for tat these days.
oh my god I totally get the uneasy feeling about birthday parties, I hate how it's become such a public thing! I think that's why I'm always against celebrating my own birthday - so I'll always invite a few people over for dinner at that's IT!
your comment reminded me of that influencer that went as a +2 to a girl's birthday party and made a video of how disappointed she was that it was... a normal birthday party? I'll always pick intimate over grand!
Ya absolutely, I totally understand being put off of celebrating my own birthday, if I want to connect with people meaningfully I can do it in other ways without making it a big deal. I rally your point about influencers as well, everything needs to be extravagant in order to validating.
agree so hard – existing alongside humans means we do owe each other kindness and small acts of service. I'll always be someone who brings my friends gifts and writes them letters and draws them their portraits,, because even if we do not get to spend much time doing tasks together, they deserve tokens of appreciation for their friendship
100%! When you look at humanity through history we were all about mutual help, all about exchange. We shouldn’t allow modern day individualism and capitalism to tell us any differently!
Oh. That reminds me. I once helped a friend move out of his dorm. It felt nice. Giving and receiving feels nice. And should things go sour, I remember what they did for me and that leaves me with respect. Their humanity comes on top of anything else.
Ahh this was so refreshing to read!! I also think the idea of not owing anyone anything is often used when things go south in a friendship or relationship. People use this term to put up a front and 'protect' themselves after having been hurt post months or years of serious effort put into a relationship (of any kind). People can't handle messiness and awkward silence and getting hurt by the people they love anymore - because guess what, the longer you're with people the more likely they are to hurt you at some point. but like, that's life and that's okay and people make mistakes so are you going to work through it or? (abusive behavior aside of course). Things have become so easily accessible and dopamine is so instant to come and go that people treat other people the same way - replaceable.
I think it's such a testament to who a person is and the bond shared between two people when things take a sharp turn and you're able to still approach with respect and grace and accountability even!! In a world of ghosting, silent fade outs, and cancel culture, this article is not only a good reminder but a necessary read to shift back into village connections. no more lone wolves, no more fear of loving too much and no more loving too little! be bold and be grand and be there for the long haul!!
I love this comment - thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me!! I definitely think it’s a front some people put up, but sometimes people just have to be true to who they are. Even if love feels wasted that couldn’t be further from the truth - I’ve always been a big believe that regardless of the outcome, the love you give reflects more on who you are as a person that how you were in that situation!
there is something so magical about having all the people you love in your warm home and preparing food for everyone <3 will forever be one of my favorite things in this life.
This made me smile! A lot!
I always thought the mindset of "you don't own people anything" is rather egoistic and selfish. While I understand it from a boundary perspective, and that is important, you do owe people to be a kind and thoughtful person.
Exactly!! I’m so happy this resonated with you
Absolutely agree with this - the idea that friendships are built and nurtured is so important. Care is what keeps us going.
Small acts of care exist in so many other relationships (between parents and children, people and pets, partners) - it’s important not to neglect that aspect in friendships too! Thanks for reading ❤️
I agree! The people don’t owe you anything crowd are a bit misanthropic and pessimistic imo. Of course we should hold each other to standards of kindness! Especially between friends; how else could we survive this world?
I couldn’t agree more, kindness can go such a long way and for so little effort. Thanks for reading 🫶🏼
^_^
So beautiful. Made me feel extra grateful for the solid friendships your words reminded me of.
this was weirdly beautiful, personally i agree with the you don’t owe anyone anything mindset. but that doesn’t mean you should care about people and be there for them. this portrayed that idea extremely well even if you went for a different idea. i’m glad i read this.
I’m so happy you were able to resonate with it in some way! As someone with a tendency to people please, I completely understand why people feel strongly about the idea that you don’t owe people anything. What’s helped for me is focusing on the quality over quantity mindset.
omg i feel this SO much. I need compassion and thoughtfulness and comfort, and I want people to know they can get it from me. one of my favourite things is giving friends little bits that i've found or bought (book, beach pebble, postcard) that remind me of them. knowing someone is thinking of you is so powerful especially when you get to a point in life when people start to drift
omg I totally get that!! I asked a friend of mine if he wanted me to bring him something from South Africa a few months ago and he jokingly said seashells. But guess what I did every time I went to the beach? I spent half my time trying to find him the prettiest sea shells, because it’s important to know that your people listen
that's so lovely, my favourite thing is special stones/shells from someone's travels because you know they've carried that with them all the way home
yes it’s so sweet, also to see what they themselves picked for you can be so vulnerable as well - to know how you’re perceived
We owe each other so much! So much love and tenderness and companionship, who are we without this?
I completely agree!! ⭐️
One act of love I do for all of my friends is cooking for them, I love having them over and feeding them with delicious food. They love it so much that they say they miss my food when it’s been long since they have visited.
I love that! Food is such an intimate thing, so to be able to transfer that to friendships is so nice 🫶🏼❤️ they’re lucky to have you!
Hmm, for me, I’m trying to host more dinner dates. It’s an intimate love language for a night of food and conversations.
100%! I think dinner dates can be such an important love language to show people that you want to take care of them and share with them through food and conversation! Thanks for reading ❤️
I couldn't agree more! Birthday parties used to be about celebrating other people and making them feel special. But today they are often about inviting the most amount of people for free gifts. I hate how everything is tit for tat these days.
oh my god I totally get the uneasy feeling about birthday parties, I hate how it's become such a public thing! I think that's why I'm always against celebrating my own birthday - so I'll always invite a few people over for dinner at that's IT!
your comment reminded me of that influencer that went as a +2 to a girl's birthday party and made a video of how disappointed she was that it was... a normal birthday party? I'll always pick intimate over grand!
Ya absolutely, I totally understand being put off of celebrating my own birthday, if I want to connect with people meaningfully I can do it in other ways without making it a big deal. I rally your point about influencers as well, everything needs to be extravagant in order to validating.
agree so hard – existing alongside humans means we do owe each other kindness and small acts of service. I'll always be someone who brings my friends gifts and writes them letters and draws them their portraits,, because even if we do not get to spend much time doing tasks together, they deserve tokens of appreciation for their friendship
Friendships are everything.
Man, they say, is a social animal, so where did all of this independence from others come from?
I understand trying to avoid rejection and preventing one-sided commitments but stilllll, friendships, real, true friendships do a lot.
100%! When you look at humanity through history we were all about mutual help, all about exchange. We shouldn’t allow modern day individualism and capitalism to tell us any differently!
Oh. That reminds me. I once helped a friend move out of his dorm. It felt nice. Giving and receiving feels nice. And should things go sour, I remember what they did for me and that leaves me with respect. Their humanity comes on top of anything else.
I couldn’t agree more. Some people feel hesitant to give but at the end of the day only your actions are a reflection of you, not anyone else’s.
Ahh this was so refreshing to read!! I also think the idea of not owing anyone anything is often used when things go south in a friendship or relationship. People use this term to put up a front and 'protect' themselves after having been hurt post months or years of serious effort put into a relationship (of any kind). People can't handle messiness and awkward silence and getting hurt by the people they love anymore - because guess what, the longer you're with people the more likely they are to hurt you at some point. but like, that's life and that's okay and people make mistakes so are you going to work through it or? (abusive behavior aside of course). Things have become so easily accessible and dopamine is so instant to come and go that people treat other people the same way - replaceable.
I think it's such a testament to who a person is and the bond shared between two people when things take a sharp turn and you're able to still approach with respect and grace and accountability even!! In a world of ghosting, silent fade outs, and cancel culture, this article is not only a good reminder but a necessary read to shift back into village connections. no more lone wolves, no more fear of loving too much and no more loving too little! be bold and be grand and be there for the long haul!!
I love this comment - thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me!! I definitely think it’s a front some people put up, but sometimes people just have to be true to who they are. Even if love feels wasted that couldn’t be further from the truth - I’ve always been a big believe that regardless of the outcome, the love you give reflects more on who you are as a person that how you were in that situation!
Absolutely!! Keep writing and sharing 🥹
oh my goodness, this made me smile so big!!! what a powerful expression of the love and light that comes from mutual all-in friendships <3
there is something so magical about having all the people you love in your warm home and preparing food for everyone <3 will forever be one of my favorite things in this life.
could not agree more! there’s just a shared intimacy that I’ve yet to find in other ways