a thought: you do owe people something

love is not labour!!

Ever heard of the phrase “you don’t owe anyone anything?”? I’m sure you have, it’s often connected to the concept of boundaries that exists in our current online discourse. And while I do think the concept is so important, I also believe that when being tied to social media therapy and capitalism - it makes relationships sound like transactions. Which couldn’t be further from the truth!

Friends are meant to be there for you! They are there to support you and help you out! Friends - true friends - should be accompanying you to the doctor, runnings errands with you, helping you build a new furniture...

While many believe that “it takes a village to raise a child”, it also takes a village to do anything else. The sense of community that we once had between neighbours, friends and coworkers is now slowly slipping out of our hands, and that’s not okay.

In an age where people want to “protect their peace”, are they actually starting to “protect their loneliness”?

I myself love to have friends over. I’m always trying to find a time that works for us to host a dinner or an apéro. And every time I do, I always get texts from friends asking what they can bring, or friends bringing things without asking me.

And sure, this does mean I have amazing friends, but my experience should be the norm. Love includes making the effort and doing the extra work - it is not a labour!

So yes, I will have lunch with you before your class. Yes, I will pause whatever I am doing to answer your call and give you advice. Yes, I will study with you so that you feel less stressed or alone. Yes, I will let you try my drinks, taste my food and lend you my lip balm. Yes, I will pick you up from the train station so you don’t have to travel alone in an unfamiliar city. Yes, I will hold your hand or hand you a tissue or try and make you laugh.

Yes, I will note down the dates that are important to you. Yes, I will proofread your essays or your breakup texts. Yes, I will help you with your makeup or let you know which strand you forgot to curl/straighten. Yes, I will curl/straighten that strand, and any other. Yes, I will make sure not to continue to the next episode because we’re watching the show together, even if that means trying to avoid spoilers for the next two weeks.

Yes, I will let you be quiet in a social setting because I understand that sometimes you’re tired. Yes, I will also let you cancel the day of because something came up, because I understand that life is complicated and all over the place, and outside factors are bound to appear.

And yes, I know you will do the same for me.

Because you got me a chocolate muffin before our gym class when I told you I was pushing through cramps. Because I can ask you to grab an extra pack of chips or a juice before you head to mine. Because you went thrifting with me to find a perfect vase for my dried flowers. Because you gave me fresh pyjamas and prepared a warm meal when I came to yours after a breakup.

Because you send me postcards from abroad because you know I collect them. Because you brought me a small gift from home you thought I’d like. Because you send me memes you think will make me laugh. Because you cleaned my flat while you were visiting me without me asking. Because you do the dishes when I do the cooking.

And I would do the same for you.

Because this is how a friendship is built. How connection grows. It takes a village to raise a child. But the village isn’t meant to leave when the child grows up.

Q: What about you? What is something you like to do for friends?

Love,

Anastasia